Friday, November 20

What Will Your Legacy Be?

I received the following in my e-mail yesterday. It made me think...which I like.
After the events of the past week this article really hit home with me. I truly know that it is more important to leave your family with a legacy of love, a moral legacy, and a spiritual legacy than it is to leave your family a material or monetary legacy.

Dr. Gary Chapman has written several books. I love his book "The Five Love Languages." It has helped me in all of my relationships, but especially my relationships with my family. This article has been adapted from his book "Parenting your Adult Children: Helping Them Reach Their Full Potential." I guess I am going to have to read this one as well. It addresses my stage in life and my need to help my children be their best.
It is more important to leave my family with a non tangible legacy that it is a material legacy. When all is said and done I want my family to be impacted for the good by the example and life I have lead.
Your Legacy, Your Children

Upon their deaths, most couples leave some material legacy to their children, whether money, clothes, furniture, or cars. Sometimes the legacy can be a small but meaningful gift. John, a fifty-four-old bricklayer, buried his seventy-eight-year-old father a year after his mother died. His father had lived in a nursing home for several years; his money had run out and he was on Medicaid for most of that time.

"Before he died," John recalled, "he told me he wanted me to have his wedding band. After his death, I went to the nursing home. They gave me a bag with Dad's clothes. At the bottom was a small plastic bag containing his wedding band. Now that ring is on my dresser and I look at it every day and remind myself of Dad's faithful marriage to Mom for over fifty years. I think about all he did for me, and pray that I will be the kind of husband and father he was." John's words tell of a legacy far more valuable than material property, of which the ring was a symbol.

A legacy is an inheritance handed down from one generation to the next. In a legal sense, a legacy is a deposition of personal property that is made by terms of a will. But its impact is usually much deeper - our legacy will have a powerful influence on the lives of those who follow us.

The most important legacies are not monetary, but emotional, spiritual, and moral, and they center around the character of the person leaving them. Legacies from the past affect a family's future. We all know families with longstanding reputations of good character - kindness, honesty, and decency. On the other hand, we all know families who received a negative legacy of character and behavior. While we like to believe that an individual can overcome any disadvantage, we all know that the legacy we receive can be either a blessing or a curse on our lives. What changes do you need to make in your life or your marriage in order to leave a positive legacy for your children?


What's Your Moral Code?

Morality has to do with our belief of what is right and wrong. The moral legacy we leave our children - how well they internalize our standards of right and wrong - usually reflects how well we modeled our own moral code. Our children discover our moral code by listening to us. When we say, "Don't steal," we are revealing that we believe stealing is wrong. Children then observe our lives and see how closely we live by our stated beliefs.
Beth said about her mother, "I know that my mother was not perfect, but she came as close as anyone I've ever known. She taught us what was right and wrong and, more importantly, she modeled it for us. On the occasions when she did wrong, she always admitted it and asked our forgiveness." Beth has received a positive moral legacy from her mother. It doesn't require perfection, but it does require admitting your failures and asking for forgiveness. Children are willing to forgive when we are willing to confess.


Do You Role Model Your Spirituality?

Spirituality has to do with what we believe about God. It affects everything else we do. In today's culture, children will be exposed to many religious beliefs. Whether they embrace them will be influenced by the legacy left by their parents.

The spiritual legacy we leave our children is determined by how closely our behavior correlates with our expressed beliefs. When Rick was twenty-three, his mother died. "One thing I know for sure," he said. "My mother is in heaven. When I was little, she read Bible stories to me every night. She told me about the teachings of Jesus, about His death and resurrection, about God's love and forgiveness. But more importantly, she lived her Christian faith. I saw her practice her beliefs every day. Even in her sickness, her faith was strong. I know I will see her in heaven." Rick received a strong spiritual legacy from his mother. What will your children say about you?


Adapted from Parenting Your Adult Child:How You Can Help Them Achieve Their Full Potential by Dr. Gary Chapman.

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